If the Cancer Doesn't Kill You...

It's taken me over a month to realize it -- I've had a few distractions -- but it is challenging to order a single day's worth of nutritious meals off of the menu, let alone enough meals to get a patient through an extended stay like my own. By nutritious, I mean meals that follow current dietary guidelines.

I can't find the menu right now, but I believe the only whole grain sources on the menu are Cheerios, Bran Flakes, oatmeal, apple bran muffin, and whole wheat bread. Some of these are only nominal whole grain sources.

The only significant non-animal protein sources are (highly sweetened) soymilk, (white) rice and beans, a soy-based fake chicken patty, and meatless chili. (For the chili and the beans, you would need to also order corn.) If you eat eggs and dairy, there are milk, cheese, cottage cheese, yogurt, and eggs.

I eat everything, so I don't have ethical or moral problems with my food choices here. However, I believe the menu fails to support current nutritional advice. Apparently, the menu is far better than it was a few years ago, which is disturbing to contemplate. My guess is that they increased the number of lean meat choices, most of which are decent or better -- grilled chicken, baked fish, roast pork, roast turkey. The meatloaf is unreliable -- the first time I tried it, moist and tasty. The last time, and it will be the last time -- grey and gristly.

Personally, I have been constipated most of my time here, despite eating fruit and/or vegetables at every meal, and despite a steady dose of stool softeners. I'm sure it's the lack of fiber, at least relative to what I typically eat. Perhaps it was coincidental, but my first normal bowel movement in a long time came the day after my mom brought me some lentil soup from outside. It is crazy to constipate patients with your menu and then prescribe stool softeners (or laxatives) to fix the problem you created.

I spoke with an unsympathetic dietitian yesterday about the situation. First, she pointed out that Nutrition and Food Service are completely separate departments and have no interaction. (Brilliant!) She argued that most patients need as much protein as possible, so that's why there are so many meat choices and so few non-meat choices. Also, they get very few complaints about the food, and they have to serve what people like. It's also true that most patients are not in the hospital as long as I have been and will be, so they aren't going to be as bothered by limited choices. And lots of people in this country are obviously happy with salty low-quality meat- and starch-heavy meals, or Bob Evans and Denny's would go out of business. But I would still expect a hospital to at least make it possible to order meals that comply with current nutritional recommendations and maybe even use hospitalization as an opportunity to help people consider some healthier food choices for the long term.

I hear I'm getting a visit from the Food Service side today. I will try to be tactful.